vivian blog

Aaaaand I'm married

2010-10-27T15:42:00.000-04:00

Obviously I have not had a lot of time to update. I'll try to write a more detailed account of what happened after we get back from the honeymoonz, along with a travel diary.

For now, I just want to give a shout out to all my wedding vendors.

Dress: J. Crew
Hair: Salon Fringe
Makeup: Courtesy of my cousin Penny, but also a thank you to Giorgio Armani for some stellar foundation.
Photography: Amy Sandoval
Cake: Mama Fresh
Peanuts: The Peanut Shop of Williamsburg
Chocolates (giveaways at the rehearsal dinner): Cocoa Nouveau
Venue & catering: Norfolk Pagoda
Rentals: Acclaimed Events
Printer: Print Icon (but I designed all that stuff!)
Rehearsal dinner venue & catering: Espeto na Brasa
Website: Helen Hou-Sandí
Music: DJ Mario. If you need help finding him, just ask any Filipino person in the Hampton Roads area.

Of course, the most important people of all are our parents.

Pictures to come!

Lola

2010-09-23T22:03:00.000-04:00

I received this as a gift from some editors at work for doing a particularly laborious web project for them. I'm still trying to figure out how to wear it without giving Julian a migraine. It smells quite nice.

This picture is wrong

2010-09-22T13:40:00.001-04:00

It's from a WSJ article about UGGs.

Julian had a shirt twin this morning

2010-09-22T13:37:00.001-04:00

On the F train

Financial advice

2010-09-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

It's geared toward the "poor rich," but these are useful tips for anyone.

I will totally consider paying money for this book when it comes out

2010-09-22T11:39:00.000-04:00

Tanner Colby, Some of My Best Friends Are Black

During the 2008 presidential campaign, I stayed glued to the coverage 24/7, and I did it for one reason alone: Obama. I was totally in the tank for the guy. I didn’t drink the Obama Kool-Aid. No, I licked those flavor crystals right out of the packet. My friends and I, we’d gather on Tuesday nights to drink and cheer as he pounded on Hillary Clinton just a little bit more. She was smug and shrill and she needed to go home. For the first time in my life I gave money, and not a small amount of it, to a political candidate. He was the man. The night he finally clinched the nomination, my friends and I all let out a collective “Yes!”

But soon after my table-thumping, fist-pumping, back-slapping celebration of the first major-party African-American nominee for president, I came to a not-small realization: I didn’t know any black people. I mean, I know a few, in passing, here and there. But not really.

me: read this http://www.tannercolby.com/blog/books/black/
Helen: oh man
i don't know whether to laugh, cry, or praise him
me: i will totally consider paying money for this book when it comes out
i sort of want to give him a hearty pat on the back
Helen: yeah i want to find out what happens
me: the way an old dude would when a guy asks for his daughter's hand in marriage
Helen: like a "good for you bro, but good fucking luck" kind of pat?
haha
me: ...if the daughter was a raging bitch
Helen: HAHAHA
win.

A new home

2010-09-22T10:58:00.001-04:00

Helen and I are now publishing at asianletters.wordpress.com. Here's the latest installment.

The Asian Letters

2010-09-21T08:07:00.000-04:00

Part two, Helen's response to my first post, can be found here.

Alex and I say: support moms

2010-09-17T15:28:00.000-04:00

Supporting the choice of modern motherhood on Elephant Donkey Blog, Julian's and my project that has fallen by the wayside. Look forward to more (quarterly, perhaps) essays!

Helen and I try co-blogging again

2010-09-17T12:07:00.000-04:00

Here we go. A dialogue to be cross-posted on both our blogs, and syndicated on Facebook. Maybe. We haven't figured it out yet.

Dear Asian,

Thanks to you, I have become quite obsessed over the past 72 hours with the idea of transnational adoption. As I was watching the documentary you recommended to me, Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy, I was overcome with a sort of guilty comfort. It's reassuring, in a bad way, to watch another Asian kid have an even harder time growing up in America than you or I did.

Everyone always says, "It could be worse!" I mean, we could be both Asian and adopted by white families. Which would probably be even more confusing than our actual upbringings. Which would indeed be worse. Yes well, that doesn't really help me, now does it?

I think since you and I have married into non-Asian families, we've been taken over by similar feelings of maladjustment. We've been taught by our families to treasure our culture, firstly by appreciating our respective native cuisines, and secondly by making fun of anyone who is not Asian. (As you know, these people generally fall into two classes: "Americans," meaning whiteys, and "black people." Because, you know, "black people" are not "American.") And as we try to fit in to these new families, we find it harder to hold on to or let go of certain things. Or in other unfortunate cases, defend our differences. And sometimes, we must insist that we have differences at all.

It's hard for us to understand these feelings, and even harder to make other people understand them. Immigrations = a shot at a better life; shouldn't it be that simple? But it's obviously not that simple, and as I get older, I wonder if this is the kind of life I would have chosen for myself, had I been able to plan it in advance from the baby factory where my soul was made. An adoption official in the second adoption documentary I watched, In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee, said "Koreans, and Asians in general, do not like to dwell on the past. We would rather forget it." But because I am American, and we as a nation are obsessed with history and the past, I think about the past, and my childhood, and what yours must have been like, and I begin to wonder: Was it worth it?

The short answer is: Of course. Of course it was worth it. Look at our lives and what we've achieved. Look at our wonderful husbands and our beautiful families. Just look at our home countries and what our lives could have been like. But as is often the case, with such high highs come such low lows.

Helen and me and my fake wedding

So where does this adoption obsession come in? It's a useful metaphor for our own experience of growing up Asian in America. I think the most telling moment during "Wo Ai Ni" for me was when the mother is talking to a transnational adoption therapist about racism issues and how to best integrate their daughter, adopted at age 8 from China. She says that she responded to the daughter's troubling curiosity about their motives for adoption by saying, "I needed a daughter, and you needed a mother." You know, the "love is enough, period, let's not pretend that our differences actually exist" explanation. And the therapist gently eases into a "Yes, but..." moment. Yes, that explanation works for you, because as a white person in America, you haven't ever really needed to talk about race. But the daughter looks around the room, and sees nothing familiar, and she wonders, why am I here?

I think that's the question we've been asking ourselves for a lot of our lives, except for us it's probably more, like, "Why the HELL am I here?" Why the hell am I here surrounded by all these white people who don't know that I speak English? Why the hell am I here surrounded by all these black people who want to know if I can cook kung pao chicken? And then the worst feeling of all, when we visit our native countries: Why the hell am I here surrounded by all these Chinese/Filipino people who don't know how to act like civilized human beings? It's fucking dirty here and it smells. Goddammit, I'm hot. (And in my case: WHAT IS EVERYONE SAYING?)

So I thank you for linking me to this documentary that seems to have touched a nerve in both of us. (And also in your sometimes exasperated-with-Americans husband.) I look forward to exploring more of our shared feelings of psychological homelessness and carving out an imaginary space in both of our minds where we can feel at home.

A question

2010-09-17T11:44:00.000-04:00

I also wonder, if I was black, would anyone judge me for not liking Joni Mitchell?

Do you know why virtually no one makes movies about Asian people? Because we as a group have spending and media consumption patterns that are similar to white people. So we must be the same.

Is this sad of me?

2010-09-17T11:26:00.001-04:00

While prepping a post for the new co-blogging project that Helen and I are going to embark upon today, I saw this anonymous comment on my post about Helen's review of The Kids Are All Right:

How sad that you don't know Mitchell's work, nor the joy of being passionate about great music. And how sad that you think any of it has to do with race.

Really? It's sad? Are we assuming now that enjoying Joni Mitchell's work is a universal human right? Or a prerequisite for enlightenment? How sad that you do not know the joy of tacky Filipino game shows, filial piety, or emotional repression.

One of the purposes of our project is to articulate the disorientation (pardon the pun) we both feel as Asian-Americans, and the bewilderment we both experience when faced with perfectly "American" situations. Singing Joni Mitchell songs around the dinner table, you know who does that? NOT US. Do we think it's weird? Yes. Do we think it's wrong? No, because we are all different, and we accept that. So stop pitying me for not liking Joni Mitchell.

You know what I do love? Donna Summer and Earth Wind and Fire. DISCO FOREVER.

(I know, I know—don't feed the trolls.)

This weekend we...

2010-09-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

- bought some of the materials necessary for chuppah construction. BK stores seem to lack a sufficient supply of 8' long dowels. What, no one has giant closets around here?

- watched Human Weapon: Eskrima on Youtube.

- celebrated the return of fall weather by making mushroom risotto. By the time we were done cooking it, however, the apartment had heated back up to normal summer warmth levels.

- Julian narrowly avoided riding a tiny bicycle into oncoming traffic.

- I narrowly avoided a conniption brought on by a lack of signal inside of Ikea. WTF Ikea.

The CEO of Bono's clothing line, on planning a fashion show with Bono

2010-09-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

Part of Ms. Sullivan's job has been to balance Bono's tendency towards showmanship. When planning Edun's upcoming fashion show, Bono initially suggested an elaborate outdoor production with models that appeared to be emerging from the water. Ms. Sullivan wondered what would happen if it started raining.

"I felt like a schoolmarm," says Ms. Sullivan. "I sounded like his math teacher saying, 'OK now, Bono, let's just regroup here. We are having a fashion show. Show is the second word. Fashion is the first word." Ultimately, they compromised: the show is taking place in a semi-outdoor space in Chelsea.

Ms. Hewson confirms the account and says the wonderful thing about her husband is that "he is unencumbered by practicalities."

Indeed, for the company's first fashion show, Bono suggested holding it at the debut of The Gates art installation by Christo and Jeanne-Claude in Central Park and having J.D. Salinger give an outdoor poetry reading. Although she was unable to locate Mr. Salinger, Ms. Russo says she was proud she got the artists to attend Edun's launch party.

"So you can see how this brand, in the wrong hands, could go haywire," says Ms. Sullivan.

WSJ. Most of the article is about how they had to shift production from Africa to China because of poor quality and late shipments. This was tragic because it was contrary to their ideals.

Me and Amy, discussing the wedding music

2010-09-08T10:09:00.000-04:00

Amy: i think it is going to be pretty awesome when i play "heartbeats" and people will recognize it but not be able to remember where from
hahahaha
me: i have an idea
we will have the flower girls drop bouncy balls
instead of flower petals
THOUSANDS OF BOUNCY BALLS
Amy: hahahahahahahaha
YES
best processional ever!

I didn't realize this concept was up for debate

2010-08-27T13:15:00.000-04:00

News of the DUH. Times: Does Your Language Shape How You Think?

Fall wishlist

2010-08-26T11:46:00.000-04:00

I had a few things on my mind when I started thinking earlier this summer about refreshing my fall wardrobe. I've been doing the "I don't wear pants" thing for a few years now, and I felt like it was time for a change. Fortunately, I found trousers at the Gap that fit perfectly. I had to order them online since the petite sizes are only sold via the website, so I hope that when they get here, they fit as well as they regular ones did in the store. It's hard to find a good pair of pants when you have a narrow waist, wide hips, and thighs that taper sharply to the ankle. I would imagine Beyoncé has this problem, but I refuse to shop House of Dereon.

Also on my list were new black and brown shoes. I've made a commitment to only buy shoes that look like they'll last more than single season under the NYC wear and tear I subject them to. I got that pair of black Jeffrey Campbell wedge booties, and also a pair of brown oxfords from Fossil, which I got nearly for free thanks to some goodie bag gift cards I received at a party.

Last on my list are some new blouses and sweaters. I could go the winter without purchasing any new tops, but I would really love a cream or gray fisherman sweater. Like this, except about $160 cheaper.

I've read that people are going nuts for shearling aviator jackets, but I insist on wearing coats that cover my bottom. (It gets really cold!) I am sort of in the market for a new everyday coat since I've been wearing my vintage Armani military peacoat since 2006 now, but I haven't seen any good options yet. I still wear the cape that Julian gave me fairly often, but it proves impractial if I have a lot of stuff to carry around. What I would really love is a classic, Burberry-style trench coat.

I said this to Julian the other day, and he told me, "You'll make a great spy someday."

inside vs out

2010-08-26T11:33:00.000-04:00

A few interesting articles that I have read in the past 48 hours

NYTimes: Psyhologists are apparently making generalizations about human nature in general based on the whims of American undergraduates, whom we have discovered are not fully formed human beings.

Cultural critics and the people who don't care about them.

Changing your name to assimilate. Lot of good that'll do for a black-haired, tan-skinned, slanty-eyed immigrant.

Last night's Mad Men

2010-08-23T17:34:00.000-04:00

After a long and thorough conversation this morning with Gabe about last night's episode of Mad Men, I have come to the conclusion that Matthew Weiner's attempt at doing an "Asian" episode was not offensive—merely annoying. I expect more from him.

Now, I'll admit that one Asian does not an Asian episode make. There have been numerous references to Asian people on the show. Random Chinese waitresses (who speak unaccented English), Bert Cooper's obsession with Japanese culture, even past usage of the term "Mongoloid," an extremely passé racial epithet. But here are the shoehorned-in Asian references in last night's episode

1. The Honda plot...
2. Which was ruined by the Roger-hates-Japs subplot
3. Don's dinner at Benihana
4. Bobby calls Sally a Mongoloid after she cuts her own hair. (This, I think, was totally gratuitous. She does not even have the short, sexually ambiguous haircut that one sees on many a person with Downs Syndrome.)
5. The television show that Sally is watching during the already-infamous sleepover scene is the episode of The Man from UNCLE entitled "The Hong Kong Shilling Affair" (Thank you, NYMag.com commenter.)
6. The song that played over the closing credits was "I Enjoy Being a Girl" from the somewhat forgotten Rogers & Hammerstein musical Flower Drum Song. This Chinatown-themed musical underwent a brief revival in the early 2000s, for which it was dramatically revamped (I believe the whole plot was changed and the book rewritten) to make it less, I dunno how you say, stupid and offensive.

Note that the first three references are about Japanese people, while the last 3 are about Chinese people.

All these things add up to an episode that is consciously trying to be about Asian people. Actually, that is a misstatement. Let me clarify: This episode was about what white people thought about Asian people back in the 60s. Of course, it's always about the white people. God forbid you give Carla more than 10 lines in any given season.

I understand that if you actually gave the English-speaking translator character some personality or a few lines, it might be seen as anachronistic, because let's face it, it's a proven fact that Japanese people weren't allowed to have personalities in television and movies until Karate Kid 2. But I was still annoyed that the Japanese clients were being used as mere props to aid in the character development of one of the white characters.

I know, it's a show about white people, written by white people. I prefer that the token Asians and black people in the show just blend into the background. That way, I forget that the world of Mad Men is completely foreign to (and to a degree, deliberately excludes) me.

Thoughts on Park51

2010-08-19T11:57:00.001-04:00

Most of the opposition to Park51 truly disgusting, and you can't hold Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf responsible for his vile enemies. But, that opposition is real, and overcoming it will be an active process. America needs a high-profile face for moderate Islam. Park51 has been thrown into this role, but they are not prepared or adept at handling it. I stick up for their project on a philosophical and civic basis--I want badly to see them succeed. But in practical terms, this project is doomed.

THIS Politico article and THIS New York Times piece helped me reach this conclusion.

News of the Duh

2010-08-18T15:38:00.001-04:00

MSNBC: Women's behavior linked to ... ovulation?

Thanks for the tip.

2010-08-18T13:19:00.002-04:00

FDA: Pain med could be used for ‘date rape’ drug

Best unitasker ever

2010-08-18T10:46:00.001-04:00

via Instapundit: The joy of rotary cheese graters.

We used to have one, a hand-me-down from Julian's mom. But sadly, it broke a few years ago and making pasta has not been quite the same since. Time to update the registry!

Helen's sort-of review of "The Kids Are All Right"

2010-08-18T10:23:00.000-04:00

The nut:

I felt like I got distracted from the intended goal of some scenes because I was so confused about why it was happening in the first place. For instance, in a scene where Laser (the VERY unfortunately named son) watches his friend wrestle with his dad, I guess the audience was supposed to understand Laser’s longing to meet his own father. However, the only thing I could think was: “White people are so weird… and who lets their kids tell them their armpit smells like burnt ass?! I would have been so dead!” The same goes for that kid’s name; I spent a good chunk of the movie wondering where such a dumb nickname came from, only to find out that his parents REALLY HAD NAMED HIM LASER, and that “Las” for short is apparently unacceptable. I mean, WHAT. And the girl was named Joni, after (duh?) Joni Mitchell. Except, oops, I didn’t get it. Nor did I get the whole a capella rendition of Joni Mitchell scene – THAT made me uncomfortable, though white movie critics claim it to be the defining touching/bonding moment of the movie. Girls making out? Fine. Gay porn? Fine (though maybe not in public). White people singing, nay, BELTING, at the dinner table? THAT IS NOT OKAY. THAT IS WEIRD, NOT TOUCHING.

This is why Helen and I get along better than most.

Seriously?!

2010-08-18T10:17:00.000-04:00

Do better at defending yourself, Ground Zero Mosque.

I refuse to refer to it as Park51 until it gets its shit together and hires a PR firm.

Autumn coat obsession

2010-08-13T08:42:00.001-04:00

It's not a great year to buy a new coat (though my current coat has been going strong since 2005), but if I can swing it this year, this is a good contender (above image from this morning's Topshop email).

Ground zero mosque

2010-08-11T08:26:00.002-04:00

The Times covers what is essentially a PR disaster.

Mr. Gamal said that since May, he had started meeting in private with opponents to explain himself. But he bridled at constantly defending himself publicly. He said he didn’t want to tell angry opponents how he had injured his eye handing out water to emergency workers on 9/11.

He didn’t feel that he should have to, he said.

Indeed, it is unfair. But the burden of proving yourself is a consequence of being a minority in a pluralistic, multicultural society.

Grocery stores in Flushing

2010-08-09T15:34:00.000-04:00

WSJ: Changes in Flushing Set Off Food Fight

The last store in Flushing where you can buy Entenmann's has apparently closed. Local officials are trying to convince Asian market owners to put up English translations on their signs."Several years ago, another Key Food in the Queensboro Hill section of Flushing closed and was replaced by an Asian store. Residents in the southern area of Flushing recently contacted their community board to request a meeting with store management about diversifying offerings." It's funny when "diversifying offerings" means "please start carrying bagels and Entenmann's." Keep in mind, these are NEW YORK CITY grocery stores.

Maine?

2010-08-09T13:48:00.001-04:00

It's not a secret that I harbor some trepidation at joining the annual jaunt to camp that Julian's family does every summer. It took me a long time to figure out why. Being outside, climbing things, and looking at horses are things that I dreamed about doing every summer that I was instead stuck indoors helping care for my younger siblings. I loved doing that, in a different way than one loves playing outside, but it was a private fantasy of mine to go to summer camp.

So why be weirded out by summer camp? Well, these two posts on the Atlantic about how Maine holds the "dubious privilege" of being the whitest state in the Union helps explain things a bit. Interracial marriage has dominated my thoughts for much of the past year; I think it's part of the mental preparation process that every girl goes through before getting married. It's similar to, but more severe than, what I would expect to experience if I was marrying a Filipino boy from California versus a Jewish boy from upstate New York. I'm sure I would be sitting here right now ruminating over how weird I think the west coast is and whether you can get good grits out there. That type of thing.

The change that I'm making is much more drastic. I almost feel as if I'm in mourning...but mourning what? The loss of a part of myself? To some degree, I will have to lose a part of myself. The part of myself that sees white people as separate. Upon marriage, I'll be joining the white commmunity, and when my children are born, they'll be more a part of it than I am. I have, of course, been assured on many occasions that white people do not see me as different from them, but I look in the mirror and I can assure them that I am. Some people don't think that's important, but it's important to me because this is the skin that I have to live in. Do black men who marry white women feel this way too?

It sounds rather racist, but this is why it's hard to marry outside your group, whether we're dealing with ethnicity, religion, or geographical origin. My whole life I've looked at this group of people as different from me, and I have to retrain my brain to not think that way. Julian and I talked once about taking a long car trip through the South, and he expressed fear that we, as an interracial couple, would not be received well in certain remote parts of Dixieland. I told him that I thought it was ridiculous: I would have no problem being brown and driving through South Carolina or Georgia. I've lived with Southerners my whole life, and they are not a big deal for me. Not even the ones who've never seen an Asian their whole lives (a phenomenon more common amongst black than white people). But now I think I understand. It's about being outside your comfort zone. You deal with a certain set of people your whole life (a set that includes many types), and after a while you build up an arsenal of defense mechanisms. I know how to deal with a Southerner who thinks I'm Chinese—we have geography and food in common—but eight years later I'm still struggling to deal with well-meaning but ignorant Yankees.

Julian's family friends assured me that Maine is not a racist place when I sort of quasi-casually inquired as to whether there were any people of color at family camp, but I'm not sure that the presence of a black or Asian family would make a difference. In the end, this isn't really about other people; it's about how I see myself and how I picture myself fitting in with other people. I've grown far too used to inhabiting the role of the outsider, which makes it incredibly difficult to deal with people who don't see you as an outsider at all.

So really, the problem is me. The problem is that I have trouble envisioning myself as the type of person who sips white wine and talks politics on the veranda after dinner, the type of person who actually does fun things in the summer time, the type of person who sings songs around a bonfire (or sings aloud at all, except at church), perhaps the type of person who sees greasy Filipino food as slightly curious and exotic. The trouble is that I have this notion in my head that Maine is full of those types of people.

I think this is mostly my own fault. I've had lots of opportunities along the way to meld into whatever group I happened to found myself in. I could have really entrenched myself in many communities since moving to New York, if I'd only been a better hip-hop dancer, poet, hipster, pianist, liberal, white person, Yankee, etc—or had just gone to UVA. I can't keep pretending that moving back down South will solve all my problems. Once I cross back over the Mason-Dixon line, I'm sure I'll just start bitching about the lack of culture and decent shopping and the abundance of "Obama is a socialist" birther types. But maybe given the chance to inhabit that old space as an adult with eyes wide open, I could finally figure out what I'm like.

RIP Torosaurus

2010-08-06T09:13:00.000-04:00

me: OMG

did you read the news about triceratops?!!!!

[CBS: Scientists: Triceratops May Not Have Existed]

Amy: how they were like, oh the triceratops is really just the juvenile form of the torosaurus? and then people were like, WHAT! you can't get rid of the triceratops! and they were like, whoa chill, we will just get rid of the torosaurus then.

me: LOL

LOL for reals

i seriously had to control myself so i could read that to julian

because i was laughing so hard and he was starting to look confused

David Weigel on black Tea Party members

2010-08-05T10:29:00.001-04:00

In Slate

It's hard to discern where these people stand on the issue of racism. Is it time to move on? Is it something we can only get past once we stop obsessing over it?

He repeated what he said when a listener chastised him for going on TV to talk about "hyphenated-Americans," instead of being colorblind.

"I empathize with you dropping the hyphen," said Innis, "and I'm for that, but we have to let white America see black people condemning the NAACP."

This part stood out to me. It's a lot easier to be colorblind when you're not a person of color. But I don't think our ultimate goal should be a society made up of entirely colorblind people. We should appreciate and recognize our differences. I disdain people who tell me that I'm just like them—I'm different, and I treasure my heritage, that which sets me apart from other people. Just don't treat me differently because of it.

two photos

2010-07-30T08:02:00.001-04:00

Cate and me at the High Line.

The fun words written on my Yan Yan. The top one says "Whale...Biggesy Mammal."

2010-07-27T18:49:00.002-04:00

An example of bad writing:

Pictures Bought for $45 at Garage Sale Worth $200 Million
By Dahvi Shira
Antique shopper Rick Norsigian has entered the pickers Hall of Fame. The Fresno, Calif., painter paid $45 for 65 glass negatives at a garage sale 10 years ago - and now has expert confirmation the images were created by famed photographer Ansel Adams. Current value: at least $200 million. It's not known how the nature images on the glass plate negatives made their way from Adams's collection 70 years ago to a Southern California garage sale in 2000. But the man who sold the lucky finds to Norsigian said he bought them in the 1940s at a warehouse salvage in Los Angeles.

So we do know how the images got to Southern California. The guy that sold them bought them at a warehouse salvage.

Judging a group on the basis of its fringiest members

2010-07-22T07:56:00.000-04:00

Julian and I had an interesting conversation last night on this topic. We were discussing the purported racism of the Tea Party, and I pointed out that if one wanted to write off the entire Tea Party movement as being racist based just on a few crazies who insist on showing up at their rallies, then by the same token one could assume that the Journolist as a whole is a loony progressive conspiracy, based on a few megalomanics hell-bent on race-baiting in the name of protecting Obama.

You're more like to find that stuff in the Tea Party, Julian pointed out, because they're such a decentralized group without a very defined purpose. That's true, I agreed. But that means that the Journolist has absolutely no excuse to include people that crazy—it's supposed to be a bunch of educated and rational thinkers. So I would dare say that they are the ones who come out looking worse. You would expect a bunch of racist crazies to emerge in an informal grass roots movement. I would expect more from a group of esteemed writers and academics.

So it's a question of what's worse here: actual racist people or people who are race-baiting...supposedly in the name of defeating racism...which to me actually makes them latent, perhaps unintentional racists.

More on groupthink

2010-07-21T12:22:00.000-04:00

Jeffrey Goldberg on the reincarnation of Journolist, Cabalist: "In other words, members of Journolist 2.0 were debating whether to collectively respond to a Daily Caller story alleging -- inaccurately, in their minds -- that members of Journolist 1.0 (the same people, of course) made collective decisions about what to write."

Morning reading

2010-07-21T10:52:00.001-04:00

A fascinating read: What really happened to Phoebe Price? Long, but worth it.

Speaking as someone who went through a very short-lived mean girls phase, I can attest to the stupidity of teenagers.

Links for Julian

2010-07-21T08:45:00.000-04:00

He asked me if I'd been following some stories yesterday; I asked him if he'd been following others. We don't read as much of the same news as we used to.

JournoList members suggest government shut down Fox News.

In earlier news, they colluded to bury the Jeremiah Wright story.

Even "noted conservative" and Obamaphile Andrew Sullivan is anti.

The lack of judgment (and prevail of knee-jerk reactions) heightens the failure of our nation to have totally awesome conversation on race.

Sundry links about the Sherrod firing.

Jeffrey Campbell Pixie Booties

2010-07-16T11:33:00.001-04:00

Is it cheesy that the origin of my lust for these shoes was the thought, "Hmm...I need a good solid pair of black shoes that are cute, add height, and will be fairly comfortable for when Julian and I are stomping around London and Paris this fall..."? I think not. A girl's gotta have a good pair of walking shoes.

Christina Hendricks in LA Times Magazine

2010-07-09T15:10:00.000-04:00

With more photos and an interview. Can I use the photo on the right as an inspiration piece for redecorating our bedroom?

Why is my office 99% white?

2010-07-08T14:55:00.001-04:00

Because of the same "societal forces" that result in an overwhelmingly male Daily Show cast.

I think I'm more swayed by Smithburg's explanation ["societal forces" that thin out the candidate pool], probably because it's akin to what I've experienced in magazine journalism and its seemingly unshakeable whiteness. There is a very direct correlation between the wealth gap and the diversity of masthead at magazines like this one. Us black and Latinos often come from backgrounds in which our families' primary reason for sending us off to college is stability. We often have siblings and parents to think about, and can't contemplate a year in New York at a free internship. Beyond that there are cultural factors--magazine journalism isn't simply very white, it's very Ivy League and Northeastern, which indicates that a certain kind of cultural capital is almost a requisite requirement. I think my life would have been very different had a gone to college in, say, Atlanta as opposed to a town that was home to The New Republic, The Washington Post, Slate, and The Atlantic.

Hiring practices may not be overtly racist and/or sexist; but it's a long path from kindergarten to media career—much longer if you are an outsider.

"Jews are not Indians"

2010-07-07T10:39:00.001-04:00

There's a bit of controversy about this Time magazine columm by Joel Stein in which he attempts to parody anti-immigrant sentiment (in the context of his hometown of Edison, NJ, which apparently is suffering from an infestation of South Indians), but ends up sounding like an overly aware (read: unknowingly racist) asshole. Here's that article.

Indian-American actor and Obamabot Kal Penn responded, sardonically, on Huffington Post here.

I don't actually read Slate's Scocca blog that much, because honestly I don't see the point, but he summed it up pretty astutely. This is the problem that I have with a lot of the jokes that white people make about colored people. And by white people I mean northeastern Jews.

The lesson here, which seems to have caught Stein by surprise, is that Jews are not Indians. Not only in the ethnic or tribal sense—people within a group can make jokes that outsiders can't—but in their relative positions. His piece assumed that it was impossible for him to actually insult Indians, because they were on the same side. Indian-Americans, at least the ones with high SATs in the freshman dorm, are in on the joke. Aren't they?

This is the plight of secure young upper-middle-class Jewish funnypeople, who have inherited the sharp humor traditions of an oppressed minority without inheriting very much of the oppression. Sarah Silverman might be the best at handling this contradiction (though there's plenty of room to debate how much she can really get away with). But Silverman is a brilliant gag writer, with the hard-won experience of a standup comedian. Joel Stein is a soft writer in a soft gig, dressed up in an older generation's clothing, with an expired comic license in his pocket. Testimony to the power of the melting pot: he's just another white dude.

Here's the whole thing.

Adventures in sinigang

2010-07-07T10:10:00.001-04:00

After returning home from another awesome trip back to Virginia Beach, I found myself inspired to make some sinigang. My mom and dad had made this totally rad ulam that had smoked tilapia, kamote greens, talong, sitaw, sinigang mix and coconut milk. I wanted to achieve something similar, but less time intensive. I'll try to take a picure of my lunch today so y'all can see what I came up with. After consulting Market Manila and Burnt Lumpia, I worked out the following recipe:

1. Combine 2 tablespoons of tamarind paste and patis in a large pot. I made this tamarind paste fresh by squeezing it out of tamarind pods soaked in hot water.

2. Add half of a thinly sliced onion and one medium-sized tomato chopped into half-inch chunks.

3. Add a can of coconut milk and bring to a boil. Simmer until onions are soft and the skins start to come off the tomatoes.

4. Chop into inch-size pieces 3 heads of baby bok choi and add to the pot. Simmer until tender.

5. At this point, I added some heavy cream because the sauce was a little thin. In the future, I would use coconut cream.

6. Add shrimp and simmer until just cooked through. The only shrimp I was able to get my hands on was shelled and cleaned already, but if I had more options, I would use head-on shrimp. And if I had had more time, I would have shelled the shrimp ahead of time (leaving the heads in tact) and boiled them in the coconut milk, then strained out the shells. Shrimp-infused coconut milk FTW!

7. Serve with brown rice!

If I had had time to go to our Korean vegetable stand, I would've added sitaw and maybe some eggplant. But it turned out pretty good given all my limitations!

Morning reading

2010-07-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

Combating medical waste

Following an iPhone's supply chain

Brooks: Not another stimulus.

Mmmm cantilevered heels

2010-06-30T13:57:00.000-04:00

I've professed my love for United Nude shoes before. Look at these.

Fantastic. And on sale!

"Enough with Jane Jacobs"

2010-06-30T11:21:00.002-04:00

WSJ: "More revealingly, the Greenwich Village she held out as a model for city life has become some of the highest-priced real estate in New York City—it's no longer the diverse, yeasty enclave she treasured. Ultimately, many of the policies she advocated blocked real-estate development—causing prices of existing housing stock to rise and pricing out all but the wealthiest residents."

Solange Knowles in Refinery29

2010-06-30T10:43:00.000-04:00

Engaging in one of my favorite activities: bed jumping!

Interview here.

In celebration of legally downloading music

2010-06-30T08:36:00.002-04:00

I just purchased this album from iTunes.

Morning reading

2010-06-30T08:28:00.000-04:00

The racist aspect of gun control.

Young Greeks protest austerity measures by disrupting services, exasperating tourists—in a country where tourism makes up a fifth of the GDP.

A new president is sworn in in the Philippines. Don't screw it up, Noynoy. I think my favorite part of this article is where they note the thunderous applause he received when he promised not to run any red lights.

Being quasi-married myself,

2010-06-25T11:01:00.002-04:00

I do find this article interesting.

Washington Post: The Marriage Myth: Why do so many couples divorce? Maybe they just don't know how to be married.

Philippines, you suck.

2010-06-24T11:56:00.002-04:00

NYT: Massacre Witness in Philippines Is Killed, Rights Group Says

Interesting links

2010-06-23T15:48:00.000-04:00

The widening gap between soldiers and civilians. Do they respect us? Do civilians fully appreciate their sacrifice? Is this how military coups are born?

Baby men in Italy. No, not these baby men. Young adults in Italy suffering under the Tyranny of Old People!

Rachel Pally dress

2010-06-22T14:06:00.002-04:00

I truly love this dress. Julian looks good too!

Uniform Project

2010-06-22T11:40:00.000-04:00

Now the dress is for sale. I want!

Marc by Marc

2010-06-16T15:38:00.003-04:00

We went to a party a couple of weeks ago where some douchebags spilled beer on my trusty taupe Marc by Marc Jacobs bag, which I've carried more or less every day since I quit NYU three years ago. I guess that's what I get for leaving it on the floor behind a chair. And for apparently not being too old to go to parties where people still spill beer. No amount of blotting or mink oil is going to make it look 100% unretarded again, so I've been searching for some suitable replacements. Here are some contenders, assuming any of them goes on sale.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Classic Q Ukita Satchel

I love this one—it's super plain and versatile, just like my taupe one with the beer all over it. Great neutral color, and I like that it's a handbag. (My dresses tend to get twisted in a bunch when I carry a shoulder tote.) Also, it has an optional strap for wearing as a long shoulder purse.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Petal to the Metal Ukita Satchel

This is a great size, almost like a small brief case. It also has a detachable strap, and a very cute little clasp.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Petal to the Metal Natasha Messenger Bag

Double the cute clasp action! It comes in a lighter grey too, which I also like. The hardware might be too excessive for my taste, though. Also, it's on the small side.

Marc by Marc Classic Q Natasha Messenger Bag

This might be my best bet. Simple, neutral, slightly less expensive than the others.

Dear white parents,

2010-06-11T10:11:00.000-04:00

Stop letting your teenagers do stupid things.

Last night's dinner

2010-06-11T08:51:00.000-04:00

Seersucker, right next to my train station

- 2 glasses of rosé
- biscuits with honey butter and strawberry jam
- grilled porkchop with sweet potato purée, fried okra, and a molasses sauce
- Mississippi mud cake with cherries and sour cream sauce

We had to wait a long-ass time for a table, but it was very good. They had pimento cheese on the menu. I'll have to go back for that one. Mmmm pimento cheese. Ain't nothing like some processed cheesefood when you are heartsick for home.

The South, Part 13,823,423

2010-06-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

Tunku Varadarajan on the success of Indian-American politicians in the Deep South.

And for the tenth time, it wasn't a northern state that elected the first black governor in US history.

Adventures in Interracial Parenting

2010-06-07T14:44:00.002-04:00

me: julian keeps referring to our future children as white
and i keep having to correct him
Irene: how does he refer to them as white?
me: sometimes we talk about names for our hypothetical kids
and he's like, "jackie robinson, that's a great name for a white kid"
and i'm like, hello our kids are only going to be half-white
Irene: not actually white
jewish isn't white
me: it is when you live up north

Anthony Bourdain on Being Wrong

2010-06-01T15:27:00.000-04:00

The most fascinating parts of this interview are when he talks about what he's learned about humanity in general from traveling to other parts of the world. I think he is open to such enlightenment because his motives (find good food, eat it) are different from people who travel to places seeking actual enlightenment.

I've experienced that kind of wrongness [making incorrect assumptions about a foreign country] a lot in the Muslim world. The idea of otherness kind of evaporated for me there. You know, sitting down in a Saudi home, observing Saudi Arabians, seeing that they, too, watch Friends, that they're funny—you know, sense of humor often surprises me most. That, and random acts of kindness. I used to believe, deeply, that people were basically bad—that given a slight change in the our situation, we would all revert to packs of wild dogs who would devour each other and sell each other out. I took a very dim view of human nature. Travel has made me more optimistic. I believe now that for the most part, the world is filled with people doing the best they can under the circumstances....

One place where I'm struggling with [moral ambiguity], though, is—I'm a relativist, mostly. But racism is just wrong, right? I believe that absolutely. And yet many of the places that I love most in the world—Southeast Asia, Japan—are deeply racist in ways so engrained in their culture as to put the Jim Crow era to shame. There's a loathing of dark skin, an aversion, a phobia, that's extraordinary. Why is that acceptable to me? Why don't I have a problem with that, or not much of a problem?

And yet in Africa—I was just in Liberia recently, and although I find certain tribal practices personally deeply repellant, I'd always felt uncomfortable with the idea of these "enlightened humanitarians" going to Africa and lecturing people who don't have clean water and have been living with these systems for centuries about how to behave. And yet I gotta tell you, Liberia made me ask myself: Are some things just wrong? Genital mutilation would be one. Some of the practices of some of the traditional tribal elders—witch doctors, basically—are another. I really wonder whether there are absolutes in some cases. It's something I'm wrestling with, clearly.

I am a sucker for anything that challenges the myth of the innocent indigenous. And I absolutely believe in (some) moral absolutes. Read the whole thing.

This will tell you everything you need to know about Tulum.

2010-05-28T21:50:00.000-04:00

I did enjoy my time there, but I enjoyed it as one might enjoy looking at animals at the safari. Lot of old naked white dudes. Strolling. Naked.

Anyways, I went to the J.Crew website and they had a quiz up to suggest swimsuits to you. I do like a good J.Crew swimsuit, so I clicked through. Here was the first question:

Ha. I love that "person who vacations in Tulum" is an archetype comparable with "hoity-toity Nantucket cottage-owner." But hey, I'd like to see what kind of J.Crew swimsuit this Tulum person would wear. So I continue the quiz. From the next two questions, I can surmise that the answers are grouped in A's, B's, and C's, as in, if you picked mostly A's, you are this type of person. So I keep picking B's (my supposed preferred beach cover-up is a tasseled caftan, and my favorite beach activity is collecting shells). Then I get to question 4.

Ahahahaha. Eat a penis cupcake, Elizabeth Gilbert. I select B, and move on to the next question, in which I choose "bike cruiser" as my preferred method of transport to the beach.

Surprise!

J.Crew really knows their target audience. Take the quiz yourself.

Still I am sad about missing out on strawberry season back home

2010-05-28T18:17:00.000-04:00

I could've made these! Strawberry brown butter bettys from Smitten Kitchen.

I would seriously consider purchasing these if a) I had money and b) I wasn't so embarrassed by my already too large shoe collection

2010-05-28T18:03:00.000-04:00

The problem is that since we don't have a coat closet, I have nowhere to put my giant shoe rack(...s) except right in the foyer. Prominently displayed for all our guests to see. The girls are in awe, the boys usually look horrified. But look at these shoes! Via the Cut.

Photos from my bachelorette party dinner

2010-05-26T20:57:00.006-04:00

Addendum: If you live in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area and are interested in purchasing penis cupcakes for your upcoming bachelorette party, or any sort of novelty cake or cupcake, hire Mamafresh! Jump straight to the pictures here.

Here we are pre-gaming at Alex's apartment. Ate Tina came over to kick the night off with a glass of champagne.

Us sitting at the chef's table at Buca. Our lovely waiter Izzy took this picture for us. He has a taste for Asian women, but lamented that they don't seem to like Latino men. Why is that, he inquired. Fortunately, he is about to propose to his (I'm assuming) non-Asian girlfriend.

This is the view from the table.

These are the SMALL portions. We definitely ordered too much. Julian, you can see in the background that I insisted on ordering a salad.

Of course, even though we didn't finish our dinner, we had to order dessert. Ate ordered BOTH the cheesecake and the giant brownie sundae (file under "things that do not belong in martini glasses).

You know, as Alex was taking this picture, I was thinking that my head would look really small next to the giant sundae. As it turns out, I have a very large head.

Ate and Ate Tina housing the cheesecake. It was pretty good for restaurant cheesecake! I especially liked the hazelnuts on top.

Amy is like, YES I CAN.

Success!

You'll have to click through for the naughtier pictures. Tons of pictures of penis cupcakes, right this way.

Books I read: Nomad by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

2010-05-24T20:56:00.000-04:00

I bought this at the Border's near the bus station while killing time before going down to DC. Although I think that some of her thought is too clouded by her own personal experiences and that she has yet to gain sufficient distance from her past to make watertight arguments, I highly recommend it. It's a good read for anyone struggling to understand why modern immigrant groups are not assimilating as well as ones in the past. More info here.

Mini-Bachelorette Weekend

2010-05-24T08:30:00.000-04:00

Julian and I weren't originally interested in having bachelor/bachelorette parties, but we were convinced otherwise by the people around us. Julian went upstate with a big group of his boys last weekend, and this weekend, my sisters and I met up in DC for a wonderfully low-key bachelorette party hosted by the always gracious and awesome slumber party planner Alex, my future sister-in-law.

I took the DC2NY bus down on Friday night. (After the ghetto Virginia Beach bus debacle of 3 weeks ago, I know not to be cheap when it comes to these things.) Alex, Alex and I kicked the weekend off with crepes. Yes! More crepes! The next morning, we drove out to Centreville and met my sisters at SpaWorld, a giant Korean spa. We paid the entry fees, left our shoes in the assigned lockers, and took our orange prison-esque uniforms down to the ladies' locker room. I peeked in the bathing area, which consisted of a few hot tubs and one Olympic-sized jacuzzi, and saw a bunch of naked ladies. Yikes! Alex had warned us that some areas of the spa mandated nudity, for hygiene reasons I'm assuming. We decided to walk around and scope out the rest of the place while we worked up the nerve to take off our clothes.

We continued on to the poultice room, which was a large open area with a heated marble floor. Groups of people lay on mats on the floor watching TV or reading. Various dry saunas were on the perimeter of the room. We decided to try out the one with the lowest temperature, the charcoal room. We quickly skimmed over the list of purported health benefits listed on the wall outside the door and went in. It was comfortably warm inside, and while the walls were lined with lump charcoal, it didn't smell like a grill. We stayed in there for about 15 minutes chatting and enjoying the warmth, then decided to move on to the ice room. I'm guessing that's where you're supposed to go after really sweating it out in one of the super hot rooms. One of the women in the ice room was literally steaming. Like, water vapors were rising from her body. We then moved on to the amethyst room, which had a lovely jungle mosasic all along the walls and ceiling.

After we'd had our fill of hot rooms, we moved on to the snack bar and got some dumplings and beef and rice. I don't eat a lot of Korean food, mostly because I am not a rotten cabbage type of person, but the food was surprisingly good. We enjoyed snacking on the little appetizers that came with the meal, particularly the salty, sweet, chewy little fried anchovies. They were super tiny, no thicker than the wire of a paper clip. Ate didn't like those so much, but Alex and I did.

Then I decided it was time for my sisters to grow a pair of balls and go into the pool with us. Alex and I had already mentally prepared ourselves for this, and I assured my sisters that they could just run in 10 minutes after we did so that we didn't have to actually see them naked. Otherwise, they could just hang out and read magazines in the poultice room. We trooped back to the locker room, and Alex and I changed out of our uniforms and headed for the pool. There were lines of showers along the side of the pool, and you had to take a full shower before entering. So we washed our hair and soaped our bodies, then got into one of the hot tubs. We waited for a few minutes before I finally saw my sisters emerge from the locker room, holding dish-sized towels over their bodies in the manner of some of the more modest Korean women there. These towels didn't cover much; they basically went from nipple to crotch.

The pools were great. We hung out in the hot tub for a while, then moved on to the Bade pool, which was like the jacuzzi equivalent of circuit training. There were different stations with all sorts of jets and showers meant to massage different parts of your body.

After we'd had enough pool time, we went upstairs for shiatsu massages, then back down to the poultice room to lie on the heated floor and read magazines. All in all, a super successful spa trip.

We then went to a lingerie shop in Vienna, where they helped me pick out a fun but classy nightie. I swear this thing was so comfortable that I just want to wear it all the time.

We headed back to Alex's apartment and had some snacks while we waited for Ate Tina to come over before dinner. Once she arrived, we had a glass of champagne, and then Alex very chivalrously drove us to Buca di Beppo, which was really like 10 blocks away. (Alex actually said it was 4 blocks, but I really feel like it was about 10 New York City blocks.) Julian and I usually don't go out for Italian when we're in Brooklyn, because we're not really into the old school red sauce joints in our neighborhood, and the nicer places are a little too fussy. Julian is committed to the idea of simple and easy Italian food, not this Frenchified shit that people like to overcharge for, so we usually cook it at home. But you know what, sometimes all you really want is a giant plate of fried calamari and some extremely cheesy Italian-American food. The restaurant worked hard to create a "straight out of the Godfather" ambience, decorating the walls with tons of old photos, movie posters, and vinyls of 50's hits. It was like if Ruby Tuesday was super guido. On Ate's suggestion, Alex had reserved the chef's table, which was this round booth located in the kitchen. So we were basically eating in full view of the food prep area. It was kitschy and awesome. The chef, not knowing that we had already ordered calamari as one of our appetizers, brought us over an extra complimentary plate. I had forgotten how oversized portions are when you're not eating at chi-chi New York retaurants, so we definitely ordered way too much food. (Which boy Alex a very happy camper the next day.) We finished the meal with a giant slice of cheesecake with raspberry coulis and hazelnuts on top, and a giant brownie sundae the size of my head. Literally. I'll post a picture later.

We went back to Alex's apartment to gab and eat second desserts: toaster oven s'mores and naughtily adorned cupcakes courtesy of Mamafresh, Ate's home baking business. These cupcakes looked so super real. I will refrain from posting pictures because I don't want to freak my parents out, but let me tell you, they were most definitely anatomically correct. Sometime around 1am, Ate Tina drove back to Woodbridge, and we got ready for bed. We watched two episodes of Sex and the City before calling it a night.

The next morning was drag queen brunch at Perry's in Adams Morgan. I was a little confused when we showed up because I expected all the actual servers to be dressed in drag, but they just looked like your average, well-groomed gay boys. While we were getting food at the (delicious and surprisingly healthy) buffet, Beyoncé started playing, and a drag queen with the biggest head and therefore wig I have ever seen emerged from the back and starting lip syncing and dancing in the crowd. Other performances included a J.Lo medley by an extremely boobiful queen wearing J.Lo's infamous green Versace dress, "The Glamorous Life" by Sheila E., "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," and a truly inspired "Bad Romance." At one point, the head drag queen called up all the bachelorettes and introduced them to the crowd. I was wearing my turquoise Alexander Wang dress, and she called me a little ninja turtle, then told me to go away because I was too pretty and threatening to her.

Later that afternoon, Alex and Alex drove me to the bus, which was an adventure in itself. The bus driver forced us to watch Precious, A Raisin in the Sun, and True Crime, a Clint Eastwood film in which a black man is wrongfully accused of a murder. Agenda much?

In the end, Julian and I were definitely glad that we decided to have bachelor/bachelorette parties. I am infinitely grateful to both Alex and Ate that I did not once have to wear a penis necklace in public.

Tuck it in, Michelle O

2010-05-21T08:28:00.003-04:00

Your pit fat, I mean. Seriously, that is not ok.

Keep the curly hair, though.

This is how one handles a fleshy pit-boob area.

Updates

2010-05-16T12:36:00.000-04:00

1. The wedding has been relocated to the Norfolk Pagoda.

2. A location for the rehearsal dinner has been chosen: Brazilian steakhouse it is.

3. I got a long dress for the half-wedding instead.

4. My tolerance for both wine and Nutella is a lot lower than I thought it was.

It's been a fairly uneventful solo weekend. On Friday I went out for margaritas after work with one of the copy editors. Then I picked up some sushi, went home and watched a Frontline documentary about the national debt until I fell asleep. On Saturday morning, I went to Chinatown to get a cheap facial and buy some fruit. Then I went to Trader Joe's and came home and ate and artichoke. I was going to watch some bad movies on Netflix, but ended up watching Rudo y Cursi, which was quite good. Then I picked up some tacos and again, watched Frontline documentaries until I fell asleep.

This morning I made myself some crepes, then I went out on the deck and listened to podcasts.

It has actually been pretty nice to not have to talk to anyone all weekend. I'm sick to shit of having to talk about the wedding, and having to listen to the obligatory advice that follows. Why do people automatically assume that because I am complaining about something, it means I am also seeking your advice and insight on the situation?

Anyway, soon this will all be over and I can go back to not listening to anyone about anything. EVER.

Today's cute British online news item

2010-05-12T16:16:00.000-04:00

Reputedly!

Grr Cover Girl, but I will probably give you my $9 anyway.

2010-05-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

Ugh! It makes me angry that I have already bought the two previous iterations of this mascara (lengthening and volumizing) and now they have come out with one that does both!

What's cuter than a pebble?

2010-05-06T11:07:00.000-04:00

Nothing! Except maybe a bear cub playing with a pile of pebbles. These are bamboo pebbles made from the scraps of kitchenware company Bambu's cutting boards and salad bowls and stuff.

The flipside of threatening to move to Canada

2010-05-04T21:54:00.000-04:00

Apparently it has now become trendy to threaten to move to Arizona in order to "engender change" on those 70% of Arizonans who support the recent illegal immigrant legislation. Actually, I have no idea how much traction this has gotten, but I can envision it being just as popular as threatening to leave the country "if Sarah Palin ever becomes president." (Fine, go. Jesus.)

I think in some contexts, this can be a good idea. I can see a lot of sense in the argument that gays need to stop ghettoizing themselves by choosing to live only in NY, LA, and San Francisco. People who have at least one gay in their lives are overwhelmingly supportive of gay rights. So the best way to ensure that people have at least one gay in their lives is to get out of the gay ghettos and move to flyover country. If all the gay boys in Nebraska keep moving to New York City, Nebraska's tolerance toward homosexuality will progress much more slowly than if they had stayed and remained parts of their communities.

Here's a very thoughtful and not-too-angry essay in the Awl refuting the "let's move to Arizona and show them" argument. The main point that it makes is that it's ridiculous for coastal progressive elites to be critical of the policies of rural and suburban communities because such policies are partially the result of the brain drain that they themselves probably perpetuated. (After all, how many New Yorkers are actually native New Yorkers?) Here's my favorite line:

A side note to all those on either side of this boycott issue: yes, part of the state's recent draconian law has its roots in flat-out racism, but it also has gained much support from reasonable Arizonians who, after seeing a spill-over of drug crimes and no action on the federal level, find this a necessary evil to force the fed's hand. The reasons for that violence are numerous. But if you, in your liberal, coastal community enjoy smoking a little illegal weed, know that you are an actor in the dire circumstances that have brought those less enlightened to the legislative action you now condemn.

Hypocrisy at its best. He also recounts the story of a writer for Wired who moved to Kansas to "engender change" and was pleasantly surprised at the warm reception some of his progressive ideas, such as encouraging more people to walk to work (while conceding that those who lived outside of town would still have to drive). Jonathan Liu, the writer, says:

Finally, he cautions about the approach a liberal idealist should take: "You'll get a lot farther if people know that you're acting out of a real love for the community, rather than a more paternalistic 'I know what's best for you.'"

This is why I think that threatening to move to Canada is one of the laziest criticisms of our country that one can make. You dislike a policy, and you're just going to disown and give up on your neighbors? Really? Is that the kind of neighbor you want to be? Or do you want to be the kind of neighbor who tries to understand those he disagrees with, and tries in earnest to get them to see his point of view, and maybe changes their mind? Having come from a country where people fight tooth and nail just to have a chance to come here, I am loathe to just give up on my neighbors so quickly, even if it came to something like reactivating the draft and extending it toward women. I have faith in the power of conversation and dialogue, even in the face of fear and uncertainty, and I would hope that my neighbors do, too.

I've said this many times before, but it never fails to boggle my mind when people say that they just don't understand how half the country can disagree with them. Perhaps it would be wise to diversify one's social circle.

Irish people are hilarious

2010-05-04T12:01:00.000-04:00

From the Daily Mail's Femail section, which I read from time to time for a good laugh and/or stern lecture about how modern values are ruining women's lives.

Espeto na Brasa

2010-04-29T11:57:00.002-04:00

I've been doing some research online for places to do our rehearsal dinner. Right now, we have two front-runners: the Pagoda Garden & Tea House and Espeto na Brasa, both in downtown Norfolk. Last night I sent Ate and Adam to Espeto na Brasa to try out the Brazilian steakhouse experience. It was also their anniversary, so it was my gift to them. Here are some of the photos that Ate took.

The main dining floor of Espeto na Brasa. The molding and trim is very classy. I think Ate told me that the building used to be a theater, but I might have made that up.

The main dining floor as seen from above. I think the balcony on the other side is a private dining area.

The little thing you flip on your table when you want more meat.

The servers walk around with these swords full of meat and you tell them what you want. Ate says these are pork and chicken sausage. The pork tasted like spicy breakfast sausage, and the chicken was injected with cheese.

More meats. Ate says: Beef kabob and pork loin. So good.

~~I think these are chicken hearts?~~ Filet mignon wrapped in bacon.

There is other food, too. Ate says: Brazilian rice with sirloin slices.

Best of all, the manager has a BlackBerry, so he is super awesome at replying to my emails.

I would say "I want!" but I could make this myself.

2010-04-28T14:26:00.000-04:00

Perhaps I will. 3.1 Phillip Lim at La Garconne.

Duck duck addy

2010-04-27T21:04:00.001-04:00

Holy shit I love this swimsuit

2010-04-27T13:16:00.000-04:00

I really should stop cursing so much, but I just get so excited. J.Crew via Refinery29.

On the agenda

2010-04-27T10:21:00.000-04:00

1. Experiment with doing my own wedding hair.

2. Buy a Yankees cap? (I'm going to my first baseball game on Friday!)

3. Wedding shoes. Still.

4. Investigate wedding cake flavors.

Allegedly cute shapewear

2010-04-23T16:30:00.000-04:00

me: what do you think of this allegedly cute shapewear? http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2010/04/cynthia_rowley_finally_manages.html

i'm a little undecided

Helen: i like the middle one!

but shouldn't shapewear be... nude?

or black?

me: the article claims it's refreshing

but i mean...if you're wearing it under a wedding dress...

Helen: errbody gonn know you got something going on underneath

me: HAHAHAHA

something so rad you have to CONTAIN IT

my curves are like communism!

they must be contained!

Helen: HAHAHAHAHA

Crazy Danish Ballerina

2010-04-22T17:38:00.000-04:00

I am not usually the type to go gaga over fashion editorials, but these pictures are just too beautiful and weird. Also, there is something about Freja that makes me think to myself, "Hmm, I want to be your friend." See the rest of it here.

David Byrne's Imelda Marcos Project

2010-04-22T08:01:00.001-04:00

Backstory and clips available here.

This is the project he was working on when I interviewed for a job at his office. He walked in on my interview with his bicycle wearing a pair of stretchy shorts. Quite possibly one of the finest moments of my life.

I like his approach. Recent Filipino history is so kitschy and absurd and tragic at the same time—what better way to preserve it for posterity than with a dance funk album?

What's really tragic? That one of Imelda Marcos' most successful initiatives was lowering the birth rate in the Philippines by encouraging more effective family planning, including the use of contraceptives.

If BET was a bar, this would be it

2010-04-21T17:23:00.001-04:00

And now for something completely different...black people!

NY Perks is a bar on Smith Street that I used to walk by everyday on my way to and from the train, back when we lived on the upper end of the neighborhood. It was...how shall we say..."urban" crowd. And by urban I mean black.

To be honest, it looked like the kind of place we used to go in college, when I was still single and liked dancing like a whore. The bouncers outside always used to try to get me to come inside if I was walking home alone. Not a peep if I was with Julian.

For some reason I found myself reading online reviews today out of curiosity. This one is my favorite:

This place is on fire, I had a fabulous time. True to hip, this place is lively, with young revelers pouring in and out all night. It?s hard to imagine that anything like this existed on Smith st?nevertheless, I was impressed. Signature drinks include, Wet Kiss and Baby Mama Drama, which turn out to be great conversation starters for everyone.

Such a great conversation starter. Certainly everyone can relate.

Disappointingly, this story was not about private schools in urban areas.

2010-04-20T10:05:00.000-04:00

Washington Post: Racial segregation returns to schools

The story is actually about white parents in Mississippi who transfer their kids who majority-white public schools, leaving many public schools in their districts with majority-black student bodies. Students in those schools are further segregated so that the white students who are left over are all lumped into the same classes.

I don't think this is too different from all the NYC parents (black and white, but mostly white) who put their kids in private schools when their local public schools are deemed insufficient for little Madison or Connor. Some quick Googling reveals that most private schools in New York do strive to maintain student body diversity (Dalton, for example, boasted a kindergarten in 2008 that was 44% students of color, but they could be lumping Asians in with them). Though my knowledge of school politics in New York is relatively slim, I would think the problem is more that the kids who are left behind in public schools don't get to benefit from the presence of the motivated and engaged students who are enrolled in private schools, regardless of racial or socioeconomic background.

I read somewhere that Asian students in the UCs are unhappy with how Asianful the student body is, because it supposedly leaves them unprepared for real world workplaces, which are majority white.

I probably wouldn't want to subject my kid to a sub-par public school either, but it's terribly unfair to all the other kids.

More wedding planning

2010-04-19T22:12:00.000-04:00

Finished the preliminary design of my invites and RSVP card today. Perhaps I will put up jpgs, but wouldn't that spoil the surprise? I can't believe how much money I am saving by doing these myself.

Also, we have decided to hire Baby Soda to play at the Montour party. Yay! One of my favorite people in the world, our friend Jared, plays banjo in the band.

As for music at the wedding, who else but Filipino DJ-on-call Mario?

Shoe Sadness

2010-04-16T08:41:00.002-04:00

It turns out that I must wear either flats or very low heels or look ridiculous on my wedding day. Super sadface. The hem is much too high for me to wear heels more than an inch high. I tried the dress on with two and a half inch heels on and it looked, frankly, retarded. Literally. My dress was retarded from reaching the ground. I'm not super awesome at walking in flats, and I think kitten heels are stupid. Plus, the proportions of my body in a floor length skirt are not pleasing to me. I need at least a couple of inches to lengthen my silhouette. Oh well. It is what it is.

Something like these might be nice.

I have to decide before my next fitting though. For now, the tailor is taking in the skirt a little bit so I don't look like an effing mermaid, and removing the boob cups so I don't look like a prostitute. At the next fitting, we'll come up with a chest strategy and deal with the hem dilemma. Fortunately (and thank God, or else I might have had a nervous breakdown) the back of the dress is pretty much on point.

I am not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to plan all aspects of my wedding, from the dress to the rehearsal dinner, long-distance. My masochistic tendencies must have gotten the best of me.

Hairy lady pits

2010-04-15T11:37:00.000-04:00

Yay or nay? I am totally nay. I blame this not on Eurocentric notions of beauty, but the simple fact that when it's really hot and humid outside (and I am of a tropical people), less hair is more comfortable.

A DoubleX post that actually doesn't annoy the shit out of me.

2010-04-15T10:49:00.005-04:00

Why millennials are so judgmental about promiscuity. BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS HPV NOW. GOT IT? EVERYONE. EVEN WHITE PEOPLE. EVEN BOURGIE WHITE PEOPLE.

To millennials, boomers "seem far too sexually obsessed and pleasure driven." They found the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal deeply distasteful. Additionally, this generation was born into a post-AIDS world, where total sexual freedom was considered morally suspect and potentially deadly, something that Katie Roiphe lamented in her 1997 polemic Last Night in Paradise.

Ok, this is like the fourth time I've edited this post, but I felt the need to elaborate on that commentary.

A lot of my female friends during those turbulent years after college had that crazy aha moment in their 20s, where they realize that yes, people like them DO get STDs. And now just the easy ones, like chlamydia or gonorrhea. I remember comforting a girlfriend of mine before she went to get her first HIV test in several years. "People like us don't get HIV," I told her, "you have no reason to be worried."

But the sad truth is that people like us do get HIV. More commonly, people like us are infected with HPV, which can lead to cervical and other cancers. 75% of adults have it! Most of them, without even knowing it. That's why I have a hard time understanding parents who are all like, "Sex is a wonderful thing! Period." Sex is a dangerous thing! Like alcohol! Awesome if you know what you're doing, but let's face it, if you dip your toe in the water before you're old enough to know what's what, chances are you're going to end up face-down in a pool of your own vomit once or twice. Combine the two, and you are more likely to end up pregnant!

There was an interesting discussion on Tell Me More yesterday about an article written by a (gay) student at American University admonishing the current culture surrounding date rape. It essentially made the argument that drunk decisions are still your decisions. I say, don't get so fucking drunk in the first place. It's gross! And not fun! Especially the next day!

Ok, that's enough for my rant of the day. Make good decisions, ladies.

The triad is real!

2010-04-15T10:25:00.002-04:00

Obvs there is no coalescing going on, however.

Yay crabs!

2010-04-15T07:43:00.000-04:00

Now I can eat you.

The Beauty of Federalism: Let Nebraska Be Nebraska

2010-04-13T13:37:00.001-04:00

You will only be flapping your lips in the wind from 1500 miles away.

MSNBC: Nebraska passes bill that bans abortions after 20 weeks, based on assertion that fetuses feel pain.

Exceptions will be made to save the life of the mother.

People worry about the possibility of Roe v. Wade being overturned now that there is an opening on the Supreme Court. To that I say it's as unlikely as Brown v. Board being overturned. No self-respecting justice would challenge a 30-year-old legal precedent. Besides, with the Democratic administration and congressional majority, a conservative justice is pretty much a non-issue.

Finally, I would venture to say that most women my age do believe in having access to a safe and legal abortion. But we are probably also more interested in preventing unwanted pregnancies in the first place. Ironically, the group that has seen the highest increases in abortion are women over 40—the very generation that fought so hard for the right in the first place. Pregnancy prevention—whether it be through encouraging more vigilant usage of already widely available forms of birth control or encouraging girls to delay first sexual contact (both effective methods of family planning)—is the real battle.

(I should add that I don't actually agree with this measure. I think something more like requiring an ultrasound before obtaining an abortion after 20 weeks would be much more reasonable.)

Carpetbagger discovers Virginia is not all he thought it would be, cries

2010-04-13T11:48:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's just the natural backsliding that sometimes occurs in swing states in reaction to whichever party happens to control the White House. Maybe the ghost of Harry Flood Byrd, the reactionary political boss who ran the state out of his back pocket for 40 years, has decided to take a stroll. Maybe John Edwards and Rielle Hunter are giving fornicators a bad name. Whatever the cause, I would like it to please stop, because I'm starting to feel that I moved here under false pretenses.

Asshole.

The latest in the Times' series, "Haha, those rich people."

2010-04-12T13:29:00.000-04:00

"Lice whisperers." For those moments in your childrens' lives when their parasites make them too revolting for a mother's loving touch.

She must have read that thing about gonorrhea

2010-04-12T11:47:00.000-04:00

Lady Gaga, current face of MAC's Viva Glam campaign for HIV/AIDS projects, declares her celibacy. Will people now acknowledge that it's ok to tout abstinence as a good way to combat STDs?

'I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.’

In light of some of her past sartorial choices, statements (‘I just sleep with the guys in the band because it’s easier,’ she once said) and song lyrics (‘The way you’re twirlin’ up them hips, there’s no reason at all why you can’t leave here with me…’), it might seem odd to hear Lady Gaga preaching restraint, but to be fair to her, what she’s really advocating is a woman’s right to choose.

‘Something I do want to celebrate with my fans is that it’s OK to be whomever it is that you want to be. You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it.’ (‘And if you are ready,’ she adds, ‘there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!’)

What it’s about, she concludes, is having the confidence to stick to your guns. ‘I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it’s not really cool any more to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.’

Victor Davis Hanson's "Tour Through Recession America"

2010-04-12T11:11:00.000-04:00

He takes a bike ride through many different types of California communities. Read the whole things, it's interesting.

A strange elite I suppose likes and pays for the ambience — that is, living among people like themselves — of upscale university centered communities. Why? I have a theory. It allows them to be liberal and progressive in the abstract, without having to live the logical consequences of their utopianism, or deal with the underbelly of American life. Take the most sophisticated Palo Alto dweller, and a week outside of Laton on a farm would make her, well, “seasoned” so to speak, and challenge much of her assumptions about wealth and poverty.

Reminds me of a remark that either Julian or his mom made to me about the difference between the Ithaca public market and the one in Rochester; that in the former you have yuppies paying $5/lb for argula, and in the latter you have all sorts of different types of people shopping.

Reverse Racism (?)

2010-04-12T10:30:00.002-04:00

me: the part about my honeymoon i am most excited about is getting to go to really white places

and gawk at all their weird-ass white stuff

Irene: hahaha

like haggis?

me: they were telling me what awesome indian food there is in london

and i was like SCREW THAT i am totally eating all white food when i am there

Irene: fish and chips

me: hell yeah

Irene: and go to the guinness factory

and go to germany and drink from a boot!!!!

me: HAHAHAHA those white people are so nuts

drinking from a boot? that is so crazy exotic, i can't handle it

Irene: you know what white thing i don't understand? fried chicken and waffles

WTF???

me: black people eat that too

i had a pork chop and a waffle one time, it was delicious

Irene: yes, well they are crazy too

me: hahahaha

Irene: weird

On Gov. McDonnell's Confederate History Month proclamation

2010-04-12T10:09:00.000-04:00

My thoughts (and Doug Wilder's) over at our new site, Elephant Donkey House: Before You Dismiss Virginia as a Pro-Slavery Harbinger of Racism...

Why are meringue mushrooms even cuter than regular mushrooms?

2010-04-08T11:55:00.000-04:00

So cute.

Ewwwww OMG

2010-04-08T10:14:00.000-04:00

MSNBC: Incurable gonorrhea may be next superbug. Some strains of STD showing signs of becoming resistant to all treatments

Sluttery will be the death of humanity.

Quotable David Brooks

2010-04-07T17:03:00.000-04:00

On the president's pitching skillz: "But then Monday he threw out the first pitch at Nationals Park. Atrocious. I don’t mean to be sexist, but the man throws like a Democrat."

That mid-life crisis could cost you.

2010-04-07T16:06:00.000-04:00

MSNBC: Aging bikers at greater risk of injury, death. Riders 40 and over nearly twice as likely to be killed, study says. Courtesy of the U of R.

Medical Innovations from the Battlefield

2010-04-07T16:00:00.000-04:00

A fascinating article in the WSJ.

Early in the Iraq war, medics supplemented old-fashioned gauze bandages with QuikClot, a clay kitty-litter-like substance manufactured by Z-Medica Corp. of Wallingford, Conn. When sprinkled into wounds, it absorbs water from blood and "stops bleeding like a clogged pipe," says Sgt. Reich, the Air Force medic.

But surgeons at battlefield hospitals often had to pick the gooey granules out of wounds, and the byproduct of the clotter sometimes left burns on flesh. Z-Medica subsequently developed QuickClot Combat Gauze—surgical gauze treated with organic material that helps blood coagulate quickly, doesn't burn the flesh, and "is easy to push down into crevices and is easily removed," Dr. Dunne says.

via Marginal Revolution